I keep thinking of how he looked at me in the parking lot, and his hand on my arm, and wondering whether he was DRUNK? And IS maybe a fucking DRUNK? And how do I know, insufficient data, never seen him before or since, no grounds for comparison. I DON'T KNOW, and all this fucking SPECULATION and the INABILITY TO FIND OUT FOR SURE, one way or the other, is driving me fucking NUTS.
I saw something, somewhere, once, some 'diagnostic' (read: shrink power bullshit) criteria about a person who 'couldn't handle ambivalence'.
FUCK that.
I'm SICK of fucking QUESTIONING myself. I'm fucking 47 years old, for fuck's sake! I YAM what I YAM! Even if I COULD change myself, why the fucking hell SHOULD I???????
I LIKE myself the way I AM!!!!!! GOD fucking DAMN it!!!!!!!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
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