anger

Anger comes up when things feel unfair.

When things feel unfair and you are completely unable to do anything to change the situation, that's when depression starts, and eventually possibly feelings of suicide.

The suicide is not because you really want to die; it's because you feel trapped and hopeless, and can't find a way out.

People murmur sympathetic noises, but DO nothing. They sit on their hands, watching you sink lower and lower in the water, til just the very tip of your nose is visible.

They say, "I'd help you if I could," comfortably ensconced in their half-million-dollar homes, packing for their next vacation, while you're wondering how the hell you're going to pay your measly $500 rent. Rent? Or electric bill? Which will it be? How much longer can you promise to pay them (while failing to come through with the actual dough) before they finally cut you off?

People in these fancy houses speak of how they're 'pinching pennies'.

I wonder what they mean by this? Yes, maybe they've cut back on their lattes, or only buy a $50 haircut instead of a $75 one.

But in real terms? They give up very little. Yes, they may struggle to pay that outrageous mortgage payment every month, but they pay it, it's worth every penny for the status they get from living in this fancy house in this fancy neighborhood.

It gets so you can't enjoy the smallest thing in life, knowing that every move you make toward pleasure is costing you money that 'should' be put toward the bills.

But how can you live with no pleasure, nothing to look forward to? Answer: You can't.

They say the best things in life are free.

'They', are, as usual, full of shit.

As some *other* 'they' used to say in the old days, TANSTAAFL, or, "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch."

Everything has a cost. Absolutely everything, without exception.
***
You want to be let off the hook. You want to be relieved of your guilty conscience. You want to be appreciated for what you have given (which is lots of time and 'listening' energy, for which I am very grateful.)

However: When it comes down to it, I can't eat these things. I can't wear them, or pay the rent with your sympathetic ear.

I wish you would say, "I won't help you," rather than "I can't help you," which seems to me to be patently, obviously a fiction, an outright lie.

Why am I expected to bolster your ego needs at the same time that I've already swallowed my pride to ask for help in the first place, and have had the humiliation of being turned down?

Because this is the very nature of inequity, unfairness, power imbalance: Those who have it take it for granted; those who don't, suffer. Period. End of story.

The best one can hope for in this dog-eat-dog world is to not be the last dog in the chain.

There's a scene in one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies where the pirates pull up in some small boats to visit Tia Dalma, a powerful seer. As they climb single file onto the landing, each one says to the next, "Mind the boat." This continues down the chain 'til the only one left is a guy with no tongue who finds himself lower even than the parrot, who does possess a tongue, as well as an acute ability to mimic whatever's necessary for its survival.

Hm. That last line: "Whatever's necessary for survival."

Have to think about that. The key is to define 'survival', which I think varies as one moves up or down the economic ladder.
***
I'm done letting people off the hook. From here on out, I'm calling them on their shit.