it's not the feelings that are the problem

it's the unrelieved (and unrelievable) accumulation that's the problem. The inability to find relief. Or help. Or anybody who actually gives a shit, on a daily, real, actual basis. In my life. In my actual, real life. Not online. Not via phone. Not by paying some complete stranger a bunch of money.

What I bloody fucking well need is someone who actually, genuinely, gives a shit.

The worst thing about it, I think, is the gradually increasing disconnection from reality. I no longer know what is real. I spend so much time lost in thought - reading, watching movies - that 'reality' is a concept that no longer has much meaning. Who cares? What difference does it make in a world, a country, a culture, where everything is manipulated by those with the most power to mold the world around them to match their own perceptions? When the average person might as well be living in a video game for all the contact they have with the actual people in their lives. In this country, people are absorbed in the lives of fictional characters and celebrities (and what's the difference, really?) while consigning responsibility for the real feelings of the real people in their lives to - someone else. A shrink, preferably - a paid 'carer'.

I swear to god, if I see another pair of people walking down the street while having separate cell phone conversations and paying no attention whatsoever to the person they're actually with, I will fucking kill them both. Or at least smash their fucking cell phones and scream at them, Fucking pay attention! Or a couple at a restaurant busily playing 'who's more important' by competing to see who can spend the most time on their strawberries rather than fricking talking to each other.