people who are unaware of subtleties

think said subtleties don't matter.

For example, when I sit concertmaster of a group, I like to know in advance who the other players are going to be. This helps me map out in my mind what the various power dynamics are likely to be, and to conserve and/or build my energies accordingly (it takes a lot of energy for me to stand up to people who might like to undermine my position, for example. And trust me, there are plenty of those - regardless of who's sitting in that chair, there are some who suck up to the person, and others who will pretend that you're no better than they are, and therefore undeserving of respect.)

The conductor, on the other hand, often thinks (or appears to think) of us as interchangeable cogs in the machine of her orchestra, and fails to recognize how the intricate power dynamics of a group can make or break its functioning. It would be as if the four horses pulling a carriage all wanted to go different directions, and yet were harnessed together in such a way that they were forced to pull the same way. They would appear on the surface to be pointing the 'right' direction, but the hostilities between them would be visible to a close observer as a misplaced hoof, or bared teeth, or a certain stubbornness that manifested in the horse being uncooperative and belligerent. Said hostilities would slow the carriage down, at the least, and make the team unruly and difficult to manage at best. The driver would have to spend a lot of energy micromanaging, and would further stir things up by over-using the whip.

People who are harnessed together to meet an external goal not of their own choosing (which I think is a fair description of the mercenary mindset of many freelance musicians), will tend to be businesslike, in other words, 'professional', but there won't be the kind of camaraderie that allows there to be a true joy and freedom in the music. Which sort of tends to kill its spirit, if you ask me...

Working for a conductor who's oblivious to these dynamics is, I imagine, like working for a politician: The guy is always saying what he thinks people want to hear in order to keep his position; he does a lot of sucking up. And yet when he's around people he thinks owe him fealty, he tends to mistake peoples' deference for fear, and can often be quite dismissive of their questions, needs and concerns. Sometimes people like these see the mere fact of asking a question as a sign of weakness. Blargh.

I find the best way to deal with people like this is to be slightly abrupt, almost rude, and a little demanding; it keeps them on their guard and reminds them not to take you for granted. Keeping your distance can be a good thing. Especially when they then kiss up to you to try to woo you back (why am I suddenly thinking that this sounds a lot like an abusive relationship???), it's good not to give in.