rudderless? or is it something else?

I feel not so much out of control, and it's not directionless, or purpose-less...

It really has to do with the people in my life. Whenever I have someone to interact with, someone who actually expects me to show up and cares whether or not I *do* show up, whether physically, or by phone, or by email - suddenly there's a reason for me to be here, another hand with which to clap, to make a sound. Without that, I suddenly spin my wheels, have no purpose or meaning.

It doesn't have to be any particular person, just a person. Even one, who cares whether I show up, who cares what I say or do. My existence then has meaning.