what's been most helpful

is to recognize what function any particular behavior is serving. In other words, instead of criticizing, judging, dismissing any behavior, instead, try to understand what purpose it serves.

By understanding the purpose of the behavior, one can then recognizing the underlying need that is trying to be met. By understanding the underlying need, one can then, eventually, perhaps, under the right circumstances, meet that need in more direct ways. Possibly.

Or not - sometimes this is where Fundamental Attribution Error comes into play: When there are circumstances beyond our control, sometimes we have to adopt coping mechanisms in order to survive the situation. In which case, we must always remember that our circumstances are not necessarily our own fault.

And: It is possible that some situations will never be under our control.

For example: Sexism. Misogyny. I cannot control the fact that I am, as a female, treated in ways over which I have very little control. I can change my behavior to try to mitigate how I am treated; but I can't change the culture, nor the other humans who perpetuate that culture.

But I still fight it, anyway, still try to educate men, in particular, that it's ok for me to be the way I am. That I am not required to conform to their, or anybody else's expectations.

And introversion: In a culture of extroverts, the (supposedly) 20% of us who turn inward instead of outward are considered freaks, unnatural, not normal. Something broken, to be fixed.

I myself have wondered whether introversion is in fact *not* an innate character trait, but is rather the product of a person's native temperament combined with their upbringing, so that a person who grows up in an environment that's sympathetic to her nature and/or way of being is comfortable around other humans; whereas, someone who grows up encountering only friction with those around her, will generally resist the company of other humans, based on her long-term childhood experience of not fitting. Again, my readings suggest that as many as one third of all children are a mismatch with their parents. The gap between that 30% and the 20% statistic I've seen about introversion could be accounted for by the fact that *some* folks *do* find a place to fit later in life, such as with a colleague, a friend, a spouse, etc. Or maybe some of those folks actually have a sympathetic other somewhere in the family-at-large, such as an aunt or grandparent.