if he knows what he *says* he knows, then why does he

It also occurs to me that if he *knows* he doesn't like dealing with the emotional 'fallout' that comes from sleeping with a woman he doesn't know very well, maybe he shouldn't sleep with her in the first place.

Yeah, yeah - complicated. Not so simple.

But.

I think of 'near misses' I've had in the past, where we *could* have slept together, the attraction was there - but we didn't.

The most memorable, and impressive in hindsight, was a guy I was absolutely miserably in love with for nearly two years after meeting him, even though we only spent a week together (at a music camp) and I never saw him much again after that.

He said, when we were hanging out one night, and it seemed that some kind of physical thing might be imminent, that he 'knew things were different for women,' and he wanted us to still *like* each other if we met again sometime in the future, so we shouldn't have sex.

I was *really* glad he said that, because it was honest, and true.

Though I find it still galling - I'm *still* not sure that it's so much that 'women are different' as it is that we're held to completely different moral standards than men are. I mean, there isn't even an equivalent *word* for 'slut' that would shame a man the way a woman is shamed, and *feels* shamed, by such language. Which merely reflects the attitude of the culture at large, and not the ability of any single individual to withstand such huge, intense cultural pressure to conform to patriarchal expectations.

They shame us because it keeps us 'in line', which is how you treat something you perceive to be 'yours', as in, 'property' - it is *definitely* not the way you treat someone you perceive as an equal human being, someone you like and respect.

A little personal paradigm shifting going on here, methinks?

What I’d *like* is for him to take a little personal responsibility, instead of acting like this is all *me* and has nothing to do with him.

THAT’s what I’d like.