the bizarre thing is that

if you tell a bully he's hurt you, he gets all upset! All - deranged is the word that comes to mind, but that's not right - he gets all out of whack, all discombobulated.

Like, how dare you call him a bully? (and the shrinks would say, Now, now, use your I language, not you language. Yeah, right. So how come he gets to be such an asshole and never apologizes and gets to accuse me, and yet I have to be all understanding and sympathetic? Fuck that shit, it doesn't change anything, it just perpetuates the same ol', same ol'. Just get the hell away from the sons-o-bitches it a better idea, if you ask me.)

So, not only does he get away with hurting me and gets off scot free, but in addition to that I have to feel guilty if I fucking say anything about it?!!!!!?????? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

I know I'm repeating myself here, I think I must be hoping that at some point it'll become clear to me, that repetition will somehow crack through to the underlying explanation that will make sense of their behavior, that will set me free.

(For some reason just flashed into my mind as I was typing the image of me streaking nude in one of those school dreams so many people have as kids where you're suddenly naked and exposed for all the world to see. Somehow there's a connection here, just not sure what it is. Be interesting to ask people who've had that dream whether they'd also been bullied, and whether people who hadn't been bullied never had that dream.)

***
I think what it is (and I keep having to repeat this because I don't really get it, it's just words to me at this point) is that the bully really doesn't see you as human. It's like if a chair or a - doormat? - suddenly up and bit him in the ass. In a way, he can't actually process it - it makes no sense to him, doesn't fit his worldview of how things should be. So he immediately reacts to restore that world view, eradicating your point of view entirely. In his world view, dominators/winners do not take the needs/feelings/expectations of the 'loser' into account. It simply isn't done that way - the world as we (he?) know(s) it would simply cease to exist, shut down, crumble. And, of course, he and all the other bullies would lose their unearned and undeserved power. As Pratchett would say, We can't be havin' with that, now, can we?