moving from a place of strength

I've been trying to notice the ways in which emotional stuff shows up physically - shoulder tension for fear, tight jaw for anger, lump in throat for grief, longing or a need to speak; body posture, aches and pains, etc.

I've noticed that I often feel off balance, and in my mind I associate that with growing up with people who either couldn't see what I needed to feel stable, safe and secure (mom), or people who actively sought to put me off balance in order to bolster their own strength (dad, brother). These latter used bullying, sarcasm, etc. to make the people around them feel weak and insecure, thus allowing themselves to feel stronger by comparison.

After many years of eschewing these 'bully' tactics because I thought they were simply wrong, I've started to use them now and then with people who seem incapable of getting the message any other way. As I said before, my feeling is that 'turning the other cheek' just gets you two black eyes instead of one. It's ineffective, unless you've somehow managed to win the other person's sympathy prior to testing them a second time.

So first I'm learning to stay away from people with whom I feel off balance, when I can; and when I can't, I'm trying to learn to recognize the ways in which people manipulate others to put them off balance.

I find it's mostly a gut thing: Literally, I can feel a tension in my middle whenever something feels out of whack, or not right for me. This is the most important part: There is no absolute right or wrong. Some people seem quite comfortable with the constant sarcasm, backbiting, never-feeling-safe way of interacting.

I think I'm learning how to use this method when need be, but my preference is for a more direct, open, honest, and (hopefully) mutually vulnerable kind of exchange.