Based on the way our culture responds to sensitive people, yes, insensitivity is considered a desirable trait. It goes along with the 'tough love' mentality, the same mindset my father espoused when I was growing up, the kind of thinking that prompted him to say over and over, It's a jungle out there, or his all-time favorite, Suffering builds character.
Fuck that shit. All suffering does is make people miserable, resentful, and distrusting of others.
I remember clearly one day when my younger brother showed up at my house a little before I got there. When I arrived, he was standing in the front yard cradling my black cat upside down in his arms. M (the cat) was totally, completely relaxed, utterly trusting. Bro said, This cat has clearly not had enough trauma in his life, or something to that effect.
It would have been 'funny' had it not reflected the genuine attitude of most of the people in my entire extended family: Suffering builds character.
But in fact they could never see that suffering ruins relationships, causes people never to trust you. Inflicting suffering on those you claim to care about is fucking ABUSE. Period.
M was an excellent example of how trust, rather than fear, is a GOOD thing that comes from NOT ABUSING another creature.
The cause-effect relationship is so fucking simple and obvious; and yet those who bash through the world like the proverbial bull never see it. They 'think' with their heads only in the same way the bull does: How to use said head to bash their way through the next obstacle, including other people.
Don't you think, after seeing the example of M's calm, complacent, trusting demeanor, one might recognize the benefits of treating another creature kindly, rather than cruelly? Does it really make you feel good to know that these smaller, weaker creatures literally run from the room when they hear you coming because you've so traumatized them? Truly, does that really make you feel good about yourself? A creature that hangs out with you because it's too frightened to run away is not a happy one. A creature that lights up because it's so delighted to see you, so happy to be around someone who treats it well, now that's the kind of relationship I want in my life.
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I contend that people's temperaments are as unalike as different animals. This being so, comparing people to each other with an intent to define some non-existent normal is fucking bullshit.
Do we compare a rabbit to a lion and say, hey, rabbits are abnormal because they don't roar and attack and tear at their enemies with fierce claws and teeth?
Do we say that fish are stupid because they don't fly like birds?
Why can we not accept that people are just as different from one another in their tendencies to fight or run, soar openly or swim quietly in a protected pond?
All this was triggered while reading blame-the-victim writings by various folks who create such bullshit diagnostic categories as "childhood internalizing disorder", for fuck's sake. Give me a fucking break! They're children! Are you saying that any child who fails to stand up to its massively more-powerful parents has some kind of fucking disorder???????
What kind of sick, twisted creature gets pleasure out of watching another being suffer? Most of us would call this kind of person a psychopath, or at least a sociopath. And yet this very behavior is applauded as the method of choice for child-rearing the world over.
Gah. Get me out of this culture, off this planet. The dominator mindset is going to kill us all, if it doesn't drive us all insane first. The fact that no one connects the dots between this destructive, anti-human behavior and the massive increases in so-called 'disorders' and everyday violence just shows how fucking stupid and clueless we are.
Sensitivity is a FEATURE, not a BUG.
From a site that supports and discusses issues of highly sensitive folks (emphases mine):
Interesting Metafilter conversation about the oxymoronic concept of 'tough love' as applied to boot camps for troubled teens here.In general, be wary of people-- mental health professionals, or just lay people, family or friends-- who seem determined to label your sensitivity as a "disorder" or "pathology."High Sensitivity is an inborn neurological trait, and not a "disorder," and thus also isn't something that can be "cured" or "treated." In most cases you'll find that the people who are trying to pathologize you are taking this approach in order to make their lives easier, not your life easier.
Orwell quote from the above conversation:
"There will be no curiosity, no enjoyment of the process of life. All competing pleasures will be destroyed. But always — do not forget this, Winston — always there will be the intoxication of power, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler. Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is helpless. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face …for ever."Is it any wonder that I'm a hermit? That I spend much of my life in a constant state of anxiety and fear? News flash: To a sensitive person, a world full of insensitive, unresponsive idiots is a fucking scary place.
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