bunch of links

I've had very little luck with therapy, but one small scrap a therapist threw me at one point was quite helpful. I was describing the panic attacks, nightmares, anxiety, etc., and she just matter-of-factly said, Sounds like PTSD to me. I think I just sat there and blinked for a second, because it was the first time any of the therapists I had been to said something that seemed to exactly nail what I was feeling. Bingo. So, I went home and started reading up on PTSD (with the shaming voices of the family saying in my mind, playing the victim, no way you could have experienced something bad enough to qualify as PTSD! You're just trying to get attention. But by now I've gotten pretty good at ignoring those voices, so I kept right on going. And, PS to family? Yes, thank you for noticing, I am trying to get attention. Funny how that's become yet another target for universal shaming in our fucked-up culture.)

The 'diagnosis' I settled on for working purposes ('til further notice, subject to change as events warrant) is something like complex PTSD. So, some ideas from Pete Walker on the subject:
The Four Fs: A Trauma Typology in Complex PTSD

This model elaborates four basic defensive structures that develop out of our instinctive Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn responses to severe abandonment and trauma (heretofore referred to as the 4Fs). Variances in the childhood abuse/neglect pattern, birth order, and genetic predispositions result in individuals "choosing" and specializing in narcissistic (fight), obsessive/compulsive (flight), dissociative (freeze) or codependent (fawn) defenses. Many of my clients have reported that psychoeducation in this model has been motivational, deshaming and pragmatically helpful in guiding their recovery.