bullies really do think differently from non-bullies

One of the worst things about bullying is that it keeps you constantly on your guard, you can never relax. You never know whether the friendly-for-the-moment conversation you're having will suddenly turn nasty, like unexpectedly stepping on a bee, or finding something horrible in your food. It's a way of keeping you off balance - catching you off guard, then tripping you up. Like somebody who delights in tying your shoelaces together, over and over and over again. And the rest of the time they may have fairly normal conversations with you, so you never know when to expect it, and you aren't really paying attention, because you're by nature a fairly trusting person.

The bullies think that trustful people are stupid. That they're suckers and weak, that they deserve to be hurt just because they're not naturally suspicious of other people. Gullible, you say? Maybe. I think there's a difference between gullible and trusting. Not sure I can articulate it just now.

Well, guess what, assholes: Your tactic has worked. Finally, after all these years? You've worn down my sense of trust to the point where I trust nobody, never feel safe. And now I get accused by various people of being 'high-strung' or 'wired all the time'.

No shit, sherlock - how the fuck do you think I got this way???

Y'know, it's weird - if I were an animal, say a cat or dog, and I was easily startled and shied away from people a lot, most folks would fairly quickly figure out that the animal had been traumatized at some point. It's not fucking rocket science, right?

But why is it, when it's a human exhibiting the same exact behavior, that so many people can't figure out the connection? No, instead they say, "Oh, she's just fucked in the head. She's always been that way." Jesus fucking christ. The utter, complete injustice of it fucking pisses me off.