more on suppression of emotion

The Suppression of Emotion: Absolute Violation of Basic Human Rights
http://socyberty.com/men/the-suppression-of-emotion-absolute-violation-of-basic-human-rights/


This next one I sort of hate, because it's so trite, but I think it's at least partially true. I hate the Mars/Venus aspect of it, the 'us/them' mentality that is *so* destructive to all relationships. But here's the link anyway:

Marriage counseling: Men for Beginners
http://www.therelationshipgym.com/newsletters/marriage-counselling-men-for-beginners.htm

A snippet (bolds mine):

"It means he’s unhappy.

Men are different from women; I’ve resisted this truth for many years but it’s true. As a result of working with so many couples and my marriage counseling training it’s become undeniable. We do things differently, particularly around the area of feelings. Men are trained to be ashamed of their feelings from a very early age. We learn quickly that tears are not something we shed if we have any other option. We know that big boys don’t cry, and that message started very early for us. We are often shamed publicly for crying and shame is something we resist feeling at any cost.

Have you ever noticed that there isn’t a clearly defined male character in society? In some way, we invest most of our energy in NOT acting like a woman. Men have no idea how to get along with each other and our male intimacy often comes about by punching each other in the arm and other types of play fighting. Unless we’re drunk of course in which case some of us become ridiculously affectionate, which is so sad given how unattractive we are in that state."

Particularly painful to read, and be reminded yet again of, the idea that so-called 'masculinity' is no more than a *negation* of all that is female, feminine, womanly.

Have to ask my friend how he can turn *that* into a positive. Challenge his thinking without 'challenging' him...

Re-reading this, I'm reminded of something he said about his father, about how they never used to get along, but now, as he's gotten older, he finds they're able to communicate better. "We're not so quick to jump on each other," he said, or something like it. Paraphrasing further: "We've learned to ask for clarification before assuming the other guy *meant* to piss us off."

I like that. I have so much to learn from him, and so much to *teach*, as well. Gah. If only we could be to*gether*, and really *find out*. Really *know*. But - he's on a 'finding himself' journey? as well, only his involves long stretches on the road. Guess we'll see what happens next.