Being held to a higher standard than everyone else.

I don’t know how on (earth?) I got ‘elected’ to this role in my family, but I want out. NOW.

I think it was partly

being a girl
being the eldest
being the first born (meaning, my parents had no previous experience, and I was their ‘guinea pig’, on whom they got to practice being ‘good’ parents in the eyes of the world – what.ever.)

being sensitive to the needs of others (part of an overall general sensitive-ness)

Anyway, it feels like I got *hammered* for being who I *was*. Not just simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but being the *wrong person* for whom my parents ‘needed’, especially my father. He *needed* a boy – for his ego, for his – what – I’m not sure I can figure it out. In any case, I was definitely *not* what *he* needed at that place and time in *his* life.

So it goes, as one friend says.

Not my problem. Nor my responsibility. HIS responsibility, HIS problem to figure out.

And *not* to take out on *me* or on *my* head (psyche, spirit, mind, etc.)