ovaries

I’ve had the oddest sensation ever since I met R – I seem to be aware of my ovaries, of all things.

I noticed today, that when some guy I didn’t like the looks of looked at me in a certain way, I swear I could feel my ovaries sort of shrivel and curl up protectively.

And then when there was someone who I found attractive, I could feel a surge of energy and let it warm my body. It’s as if I’ve somehow never been – allowed? to feel this energy before.

Another interesting moment was when I was walking around a store, thinking about R and feeling good, kind of all glowy and happy and open, and then I’d encounter some guy I didn’t find attractive. I found myself feeling as if I ‘should’ shut all that glowy, happy energy off.

But I didn’t want to! I found it sort of irritating – like it was somehow *my* fault that somebody found me attractive, and *I* was responsible for not ‘rejecting’ them. It’s as if I was expected to ‘turn down’ my energy so as not to make somebody else uncomfortable? not sure I’m saying that right.

So I experimented, and found that I could leave the energy ‘up’ while not looking anybody in the eye unless they felt non-threating, meaning that I didn’t feel like I had to adjust my energy to accomodate the person.

Very odd.