pissed.

trying not to show it.
Trying not to let it bother me, get to me.
Trying to block it out
shove it down.

Trying distraction
with food
and movies. Wish I could drink or smoke or any of the other ways people block out things. Gah. Instead I’m just getting massively buzzed from too much sugar and caffeine from about a million Cokes. Bzz.

Actually, I’m in a pretty good mood – watching movies that make me happy, make me laugh, avoiding The Dark Side, more or less. Skate. Escape.

There’s nothing wrong with it, I have no moral qualms about it. Whatever works. But.

I find myself gnashing my teeth when I’m not looking, finding things to *crunch* and *crush*. So I know part of me still knows. What’re ya gonna do. anyway. I almost feel drunk. Avoidance drunk. Weird. Can I simply *will* myself into the emotional equivalent of a drunken stupor, just by wanting it to be so?