People who think you’re being a ‘know it all’

When you’re just being yourself :-(

It makes me SAD

because
well,
I can’t just be my*self* very easily
or often

I have to be constantly
PROTECTING
*other people*

from *me*.

How STUPID!

as if

BEING SMART

was something to be ASHAMED of.

BULLshit.

FUCK that.

I *yam* what I yam. That’s all there is *to* it, there *ain’t* no more.

The idea that there’s something wrong with a person’s ‘personality’ because they

FAIL TO CONFORM

to the
bullshit
pain-in-the-ass
STUPID
‘rules’ of so-called ‘culture’ and ‘society’ –

my ASS.

If *this* is CULTURE????

I’ll frickin’
EAT MY HAT

no salt, even.

buggers. :-(

Your PARADE? I RAIN upon her! Unabashedly! With full intent to SOAK YOU TO THE SKIN

and make you @#$$#@#$!ers just as *miserable* as you try to make *me*

with your STIFLE-y SQUELCH-y, OPPRESSIVE BULLSHIT ways.

Fucking PURITANS.

I wonder if I can manage to make ‘puritan’ into a swear word?

“God, you’re such a fucking PURITAN! You STINK!”

Hm. Doesn’t have quite the ring I’m looking for. But I *feel* better now :-)

***
I just realized this actually has a *physical* effect on my body (and, hence, *me*): When I *need* or *want* something, I *immediately*, almost reflexively, feel *guilty*.

I feel my diaphragm tighten up, as if my 'needs' - wait - the shame? blocks me getting my needs met? and I literally *feel* it as a tightening, where I can't get enough air?

I've noticed this when I was was eating recently, in the last few days - I kept accidentally getting stuff down my windpipe.

Now, *part* of that is because I'm doing other things, such as reading, and typing, while I'm eating. So, one thing that helps is to simply be *mindful*, as in, *stop* reading and typing while I'm eating, maybe even just close my eyes? and focus *solely* on EATING.

What I notice, when I do this?

I was sort of, 'gulping'? my food down? like, a starving animal?

So I *consciously* focused on separating the breathing and the swallowing, and, guess what?

The fucking GUILT went away.

Just like that!

"Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles..."

Well, the rest of the song doesn't really fit. But you get the idea :-)