Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Challenged to trust

Challenged to believe that it really happened, that I felt what I felt.

The cup is empty again.

It is like food: Imagination doesn’t do the trick. The real, actual, tangible thing is NECESSARY. Not optional.

Argh.

***
***
What he did for me is this:

Every time I needed him? He was there. He listened; he held me. He gave me strength, and courage. And peace.

And, like a sunflower, I grew toward the light. Happy sunflower :-)

***
It is like learning a language, only – backwards? In other words, I have to overwrite the old one, unlearn it.

And, like learning *any* language, it’s an iterative process – it occurs over some period of time, with many repetitions.

Eradication of the old beliefs.

No shame.

3 comments:

Michael Finley said...

He gave you love.

grasshopper said...

Thanks, Michael!

Yes. I have difficulty naming this feeling - it's almost like a superstition, as if, by calling attention to it, it will go away. So I am very careful with it (wary? not the same thing, I know), not to hurt it or frighten it. I try not to cling, except when it is - permitted? encouraged? allowed? somewhere in there.

in fact, he did not turn away from me at any time. Nothing I did frightened him. This is the first time in my life. It was very powerful, still is.

grasshopper said...

I will say this more positively, with certainty: This is very powerful for me. A very big healing is happening for me! :-) ♥