Hence me *leaping* out of bed on two hours sleep - actually, I *didn't*, but being woken out of a dead sleep by someone pounding at your door in a tiny house where said door is less than twenty feet away - well, let's just say, it was hard to relax.
And I didn't know for *sure* what it was, but, given that it was so early in the morning, I *guessed* it was Annoying Neighbor to the south, wanting to know what was up with my landlord's ancient, decrepit giant van that's now hogging half our shared parking area (wide gravel space between her place and mine, can *normally* accommodate three cars across, but the van makes it pretty crowded - it's about the size of one of those handicap access vans the bus service uses.)
So I couldn't go back to sleep, and even though I wrote her a note (she'd left a note on *my* door, to which I responded with *another* note, since she wasn't home when I knocked, later), I still feel 'guilty', because the thing hasn't been fully resolved. I *hate* the feeling of 'waiting for the other shoe to drop', always have. In fact I tend to *push* things to a resolution just because I so dread unknown outcomes. (now, is that a trust issue or what? who knows.)
Anyway.
Once my mind gets on one of these 'guilt' tracks? It seems really hard to get it out of the rut, and I just keep churning and churning away at all the shoulda coulda woulda thoughts that roll around in my *gut* and almost *literally* make me sick to my stomach until I find a resolution.
So I'm seeking the resolution, which in *this* case seems to be some kind of mental thing, since all the *outward* actions have already been taken.
And *meddling* in other peoples' business as a distraction is *not* going to help.
So I won't do it any more. Or, I'll *try* not to. Being human (or chitinous :-) and all.
Ahh. Letting green chitinous self off hook. Relaxing.
:-)
Now need *cheerful* image:
No comments:
Post a Comment