In the absence of actual 'witnesses' or people *like* me to swap stories with, I hunt down this stuff from the Web as my current, best-available stand-in.
So, today (bolds mine):
From http://www.healthwd.info/news/the-legend-of-the-scapegoat/
The Scapegoat must have two characteristics in order to be able to perform their function:
1) They must be the strongest. The Scapegoat has to bear the sins of the entire family. They have to survive, alone, in the “desert” without the comfort or support of the family. So they must be strong in order to carry the burden.
2) They must be the most loving. The Scapegoat sacrifices themself for the benefit of the family. Again, this is somewhat subconscious, but on some level they know they are doing this. They give up themselves so the family may appear to be “OK”.
One of the downsides of having 20/20 vision by virtue of sobriety is a re-acquaintance, re-wounding, or re-introduction, if you will, by way of emotional clarity and “awakeness” to the aberrant family dynamics. catch-22 is that when the scapegoat dares to shine a light on a family system or any moving parts that are unwell, the light of truth is immediately resisted and refracted back to the scapegoat or their behavior. The below was write up by Robert Burney, M.A., about the typical moving parts in family dysfunctions or family systems that are unwell.
“The emotional dynamics of dysfunctional families are basic – and like emotional dynamics for all human beings are pretty predictable. The outside details may look quite different due to a variety of factors, but the dynamics of the human emotional process are the same for all human beings everywhere.
Emotional dishonesty is very often at the root of such family dysfunction. When the role model of what a man is does not allow a man to cry or express fear; when the role model for what a woman is does not allow a woman to be angry or aggressive – that is emotional dishonesty. When the standards of a society deny the full range of the emotional spectrum and label certain emotions as negative, or any emotions as negative, for that matter - that is not only emotionally dishonest, it creates emotional disease. “
Within family dysfunction, some children maintain one role into adulthood while others switch from one role to another as the family dynamic changes (i.e. when the oldest leaves home, etc.) A child may play all of the roles at one time or another.
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