Control? and power, of course.

It only took me - what - eight posts/layers? to get to the bottom of this one today. And about six hours.

Well, at least I *got* there! Eventually :-)

Attempting to sum up: When I don't trust somebody (such as my neighbor, and the guy who helps my landlady) to have my best interests at heart? There's this little (or big) part of me that becomes *consumed* with fending off their ill-considered, careless actions that are likely to have some negative impact on me with which I'll have to deal later, sometimes after much damage has been done, sometimes after it's 'too late'.

Now, on *writing* that, I realize that, to some degree, my approach is quite sensible: Instead of just letting them (neighbors, etc.) do whatever the hell they want and cleaning up the mess later? I intervene up front and make *sure* my viewpoint is heard, and get enough information from them about the where and when of their plans so that I can *intercept* them before they fuck something up beyond repair.

Because it's this 'crash and burn' approach that so many people seem to take, this sort of 'frontal attack' that seems to be

You, know, I've read about this a *lot*.

One of the things that came up in the 'scapegoat' reading yesterday was the idea that the person selected as scapegoat is *much* stronger than the people trying to take her down.

Is this true?

Am *I* really seen as a threat, somehow?

But all I do is sit here and mind my own business!

I'm not out there all day, every day trying to encroach on *other* people's space and 'take' what's theirs - I leave them alone, why can't they leave *me* alone? Christ on a *crutch*.

I can't get my mind over, under, around or through it, no way, no how. I just cannot 'get' how 'they' think (or, whatever it is they do that they *call* thinking.)

Maybe I should just stop trying. Keep a baseball bat and a heavy golf club by the front door, and just casually have one of the things up on my shoulder when I answer the door to an unknown caller.

"Ehhhhhh, batta batta batta, sah-WING, batta!"
(from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.)