I think part of it is

that men are used to women doing all the relational work. In my 20s, I spent all kinds of time and energy trying to learn how to do this - how to appear interested, how to ask questions that kept a conversation going. (My mom didn't know how to do this stuff, so I had to teach myself. Interestingly, this both freed me from the compulsion while at the same time handicapping me as a 'woman' in the world. And yes, I'm a woman in all senses of the word. But as a feminist? I realize fully that it's all about expectations - ain't none of this shit innate. We all have to work at it to some degree or other, which is, I believe, perhaps, antithetical to the whole bullshit EvoPsych position on how women are designed to fill certain roles in life. Fuck THAT noise. Patriarchy, baby, patriarchy - follow the power.)

So when my friend, and other men in my life who've gotten used to me pulling the weight of the emotional sledge (hm, read too much Hans Christian Andersen as a child. I believe in modern times, dear, we say something like 'cart'), see me suddenly step out of my socially-constructed harness and wander off as if I don't really give a shit, they get worried.

Verbivoric distractions aside: He realized, belatedly, that if he wanted to keep me around, he'd have to put in some effort. I wasn't putting up with his shallow-ass shit any more.

I could say this is about boundaries again. But who frickin' cares? It obviously is too dry and tasteless (meaning having no flavor) a concept for me to find useful.

So I have to find something else that works better for me.

Metaphor, metaphor, who's got the right metaphor for this one? Have to noodle around a bit.