need to be coaxed, not coerced

This means that you, mom, when I don't smile delightedly at you whenever you're needing a fix of unconditional infant regard, are still required to act like a grownup. You don't get to revert to acting like a three-year-old yourself because you didn't get what you need. It's ok to feel those feelings; it's ok to express them to your friend, spouse, neighbor, shrink or basically anybody at all except your child.

This means don't express your insecurities to your child in any way, shape or form, whether with words or body language. It is not your child's job to reassure you. Just because you don't have anybody else to turn to doesn't mean you can use your child as your own personal comforter - the flow is going the wrong way. If a child chooses to offer a parent comfort in a time of need, that's great, and can be an incredibly powerful thing. But you must never, ever expect or demand this kind of support from a child. That's what husbands, friends and other adult relatives are for. And if you haven't got any of these that you can rely on, then you'd better start the search now, because it doesn't get any easier as the kid gets older it just gets different, and possibly more entrenched and intractable.

The problem is that in the nuclear family so many moms and children are isolated in such a way that there isn't anybody else to turn to. Ever. The dad is often absent; and other mothers have their hands so full living up to the whole American Dream thing that nobody has time to talk to each other at all, let alone commiserate over the vicissitudes of child-rearing.

Parenting is a job from which there is no opt-out clause. If you find yourself in a parenting role and feel yourself not up to the job, get someone else to do it. Period. Even if it's only temporary; the damage you do to your child by giving in to your own childish whims is inestimable. Kids can do without all kinds of things; but what does the most to establish a strong, secure, well-rooted child is to have a parent who is solidly there for her at all times.