these people are not my friends

Note to self: When I speak to someone and feel my guts curling up in pain, these people are not my friends.

I found the following quote from a commenter on a MetaFilter thread that helps (bolds mine):

Do not associate with people who make you feel ashamed or inadequate. Shame and inadequacy are not feelings which result from healthy human interactions. Do not pity their problems--they are the inevitable result of the unconscious wielding of power.