boundaries, filters

Continuation of previous thought: People who try to suck you into *their* worries and concerns without showing the LEAST interest in what's going on with YOU.

People who put up a smoke screen, a BARRAGE of words to - what - keep you OUT? But then they 'ask' for help indirectly, by blasting you with some passive-aggressive, sideways 'release vent' kind of thing that they seem utterly unaware of. Like that guy with his anger (?) the other day.

It seems to be often anger. I think many people, like me, grew up in families where anger was frowned on, stifled, repressed. The parents, as always, cared more about THEMSELVES than about the small humans whose future sanity and social functioning (?) lay in their hands.

***
I don't mind anger, not any more - I think that, having gotten comfortable with my OWN anger, I'm now more comfortable with that of others.

But. I STILL don't let them (whoever 'they' are) off the hook in the self-awareness dept.

In other words, don't back up your dump truck and dump that shit on MY doorstep, buster (bustress? hm. No ring :-)

Come back when you can act like a GROWN UP and DEAL with your shit DIRECTLY, without pretending like you're all happy and ok and together.

Boundaries. Filters. What kind of people do we let in, and which kind do we keep out?

An ongoing sorting, selection process. No fixed rules, subject to change without notice. We are, after all, relational creatures, dependent on others both for our sense of 'self' as well as practically everything else. Anyone who thinks he's 'self-made' or 'self-sufficient' is living in a fool's paradise. Let me know how quickly the bubble pops the first time you've got, say, a massive power outage in the dead of winter with no backup generator, no money for a hotel room, and, worst of all, no friends to turn to for help, Mr. Self Sufficient.

Of course, if you're a d00d, there'll always be someone to fall for your sob story, no matter how pathetic. That's how the culture is wired, that's how we're trained. Especially women. I'm thinking of stories I've heard of women who'll write to men in prison, for god's sake. I mean, developing relationships FROM SCRATCH with some asshole they feel sorry for.

Yargh. Blargle.

Skrinkly, squinchy face here (self-healing) to get me off this Down-the-Rabbit-Hole path. Wish I could show you squinchy-face, but - no photos, and no interest in dragging out the MS Paint set to give it a try. Ach, well.