Just spoke to a friend on the phone, and the exchange was so awkward and uncomfortable (for no apparent reason? We're riding to a gig together tomorrow.)
That combined with the internal revelation about the wedding ring - I just feel guilty.
But about WHAT?
Actually, what I *first* felt was shame, that maybe I just can't figure out relationships with men, that it'll never happen, will never make sense to me. It always feels like they're playing some kind of game, like they're tricking you, constantly trying to see if they can pull the wool over your eyes and get away with things.
I don't know why they do this. I mean, when it's just one on one, face to face, I don't seem to notice as much of this. But when it's someone I haven't seen for a while, and there's *any* kind of attraction, there seems to be this odd, awkward, adjustment period. I don't get it.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
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