parental double standards for siblings

My parents expected *me* to be the reservoir, the container, maybe the trash bin (ewww, never thought of *that* before - BLECH!) for all their, and the whole family's, unwanted thoughts and feelings. Anything they didn't want? They dumped on me.

Why me? I have no idea. All *I* know is, it ain't gonna HAPPEN no more.

And this double-standard bullshit. My brothers, especially the middle one, were allowed to get away with absolute murder when it came to being mean or cruel or nasty (the younger one was
less naturally disposed toward this behavior, or in any case never took to it as easily, though he's certainly learned to have a sharp tongue in later years. Or, maybe he was 'protecting' me, just like I 'protected' mom? Hm.)

I think, in spite of the lack of overt 'girl training' in my family, I was still held to the double-standard of 'sugar and spice' for the girls and 'frogs and snails' for the boys. In fact, I'm pretty sure I learned that saying from mom - which of course doesn't necessarily mean she *believed* in it, but it was part of *her* cultural milieu (?), what she grew up with, and, probably at some never-considered (i.e., unconscious) level, WAS what she believed in.

Which is maybe why she always, to this DAY, holds me to a higher standard of behavior than she did the boys. And so did my father.

But somehow, despite all the feminist reading I've been doing for lo these many years, I somehow thought *my* family was unique - that I'd somehow missed the 'feminizing', because my dad was so adamant about not wanting a girl, and not *treating* me like a girl, or letting me know in any way, shape or form that I was attractive, or building up any of the aspects of the 'feminine' that are so essential to survival in any male-dominated, patriarchal culture.

Basically, they got me comin' and goin'...