catching up

Feel like I alternate between the pell-mell, mad-dash feeling of trying to 'catch up' (emotionally) from all the years of disconnected cluelessness that I learned from my mother.

I just had an image of me leaping madly from one rock to another, ditching one as it began to wobble in favor of more solid ground. Excellent metaphor for this particular feeling :-)

Alternating with this frantic, frenetic behavior are periods of near-comatose collapse, recuperation. I feel like the swings are narrowing, coming closer and closer to some kind of sustainable (?) equilibrium. But it's still a little frightening how dependent I am on unreliable 'food' sources, emotionally. I've been lucky (or brilliant? knock on wood) that, each time one source begins to dry up, another one presents itself. Serendipity? Or the zen, "When you are ready, a teacher will appear"? Who knows.