dying of emotional hunger

This is insane. I'm a 47-year-old, intelligent, attractive, talented, 'interesting' person, sitting here alone at a computer feeling as if I'm about to literally starve to death because I CANNOT get my most basic human needs met.

I've reached out in all the ways I know how; I've schooled myself to not take 'rejections' personally. All I feel, right now, really, is HUNGER.

Yes, I could go get some food. I could, like last night, skip any pretense at physical appearance maintenance and simply throw clothes on, jump in the car and run down to the 'convenience' store, and get some semblance of 'food' to get me through the night and on to another day.

There are so many things lurking on the edges of vision that I must not look at. Physical hunger; emotional hunger. Money running out. Winter coming. Holidays coming. I can put them all off for a while longer; they aren't quite all 'up in my grill' yet.

It's not that I'm afraid of *asking* for help; it's the inevitable ANGER I'm faced with, the RESENTMENT at my temerity to ASK.

Clearly I'm asking the wrong people.

A while back, someone left a local news flier (small newspaper) on my windshield, folded open to a page on a community service ad for a weekly, free dinner ('open to all') at a church. I was mildly affronted, wondering if someone thought I was homeless? Then realized, maybe the universe *does* look out for us, in small ways.

So maybe I'll go there this week - the dinner happens on Tuesday nights.