what's growing in your emotional garden?

Of the two little 'sprouts' that turned up in my garden this last week - the guy from Trader Joe's, and the guy I met in the parking lot at my favorite restaurant - only one is still alive. (Trader Joe guy didn't make the cut, I'm afraid. Into the weed pile.)

I sent the parking lot guy an email yesterday, and haven't heard back from him yet. If my speculations are true, I'm guessing he may have given me a company email. Which I'm SERIOUSLY hoping isn't a generic email that a bunch of strangers could see. My spidey sense is still tingling, saying this guy may be teaching me about a level of - bullshit? manipulation? not sure what word to use - that I've heard of, but never personally encountered before.

Come to think of it, it reminds me of a guy in college - we dated only briefly, and he was a TOTAL asshole, right from the beginning (thanks, dad, for setting SUCH A GOOD !$#%%$#@ example, you ASSHOLE.)

Anyway, this guy had the unmitigated TEMERITY to CHECK UP ON me????!!!??? to see if I really was who I said I was.

I had no idea any of this was going on, not being suspicious by nature, and having no experience with such a thing, it never would have occurred to me to think of this.

He apparently (or so he told me, later on, when I showed no least curiosity about his actions) had SPIED on me from outside the architecture building, watched me through the window (or something? I still, to this day, shy away from even PICTURING this in my mind - it seems so - INVASIVE, intrusive, untrusting. And for FUCK's SAKE, *HE* was the one being the ASShole, not *me*. For FUCK's sake. Did I say that already? Yarg.)

This behavior of his was so totally and completely outside my ken, my knowing, my experience, that I didn't then, and still don't now, know what to make of it.

I mean, why on earth would he check up on me? And why would I make up such a story?

But, you know what? I've been tempted, recently, to check up on someone myself.

And you know why? Once bitten, twice shy. It only takes ONE time of feeling deceived or cheated by someone in some particular way to not only NEVER TRUST THAT PERSON AGAIN, but to *also* tend to cast aspersions on anybody who behaves in an even REMOTELY similar way.

Hm. Going to post that much and look at/think about it some more.

***
Because, in fact, I'm actually considering going to check up on Wounded Bird guy ('Parking Lot guy' is so un-poetic that I can't stand, it, so I'm going with 'wounded bird' instead - more accurate, anyway. Truth.)

I'm thinking about going tomorrow - he described where he works (?) well enough so that I ought to be able to find it fairly quickly with a bit of sleuthing around (tried googling him already, found one that seems like a 'possible', but not quite sure.)

It's nice when people are what they SAY they are, instead of something completely unpredictable and different from what they've said.

And that statement right there opens up a whole 'NOTHER can of worms that I'm not sure I'm going to get into just now.