SQUASH the sonsofbastards

I think I'm trying to move ahead too quickly on this one, by turning it into a story, maybe? Which is just another way to distance from FEELINGS.

What I'm FEELING is:

Let down
betrayed
cheated
taken advantage of (or, he ATTEMPTED to take advantage of me, though I'm quite proud to say I never gave in, or, I didn't ever do anything *I* didn't want to.)

You see, this is the thing, this is where it seems like it's all about power: The whole 'sex' thing didn't really seem to be about sex at all - it seemed like it was more about 'winning', about getting me to do something I didn't want to do.

What's that about? Why do men do that?

It seems like they test you and test you and fucking TEST you until you're about ready to fucking PUNCH THEM IN THE FUCKING FACE.

And then, at some point, they back off, when they realize you really WILL stand up to them, and they really WON'T get away with their shit.

It's so fucking EXHAUSTING. I'm TIRED of it, I don't want to DO it any more.

Maybe I'll just learn to fucking ROUNDHOUSE PUNCH each guy I meet, right out of the gate, lay the fucker FLAT. No more messing around. No more NICE. Just fucking STOMP them.