I feel sad -

- it feels like I have to give up something that nobody ever really recognized?

Like - a role that I've played all these years, a part of me that is ready to - what - cocoon and drop off?

I think the sadness is that I feel like nobody ever *saw* the caterpillar, and so, in metamorphosing into the butterfly? I'm somehow 'losing' something I never really had -

or maybe? I can *self* -

no.

Ok: Back to my original premise (seven million posts ago or so):

Our sense of self comes from having others *see* us and reflect us back.

So, without this?

Without being 'seen'?

I cannot, really, fully, move on to the 'next phase'. There will always be part of me 'caught' in the past, 'hooked' by that unfinished business.

Ok, message to Universe.

"Dear Universe: I humbly request that you send someone to *see* me in all the ways I need to be 'seen', and that you do it *soon* (please?) and that you open my 'eyes' so that *I* can recogize this person and let him (I guess I assume it will be a 'him') into my life."

Thank you,
gratefully yours,
the-being-that-once-was-grasshopper-but-now-has-no-*idea*-who-she-is, but is nonetheless in the process of becoming, in spite of herself.