sigh.

I keep thinking I'm ready to cut the umbilical cord, bust loose, fly free...then I find myself back here. The lifeline, my virtual 'life raft'.

Well, whatever works.

So, ok - two hours with the µ unit. (yeah, I know - I keep changing the symbol. But I'm *betting* you know who I mean - one guess.)

Kept it on an even keel most of the way through, but then, right toward the end, the veneer began to crack, the curtain slipped and all the ugliness was once again revealed, like worms crawling (actually, I *like* worms - good for the garden. Need a creepier image.)

Anyway.

I think the distance is at least getting shorter - I have a series of 'moves' now that I pull to cope with it, and just keep pulling myself along, hand over hand, til I've managed to escape the emotional quicksand.

JEEzus, it's fucking exhausting. The *first* thing I did, the instant I got out of sight of the unit's abode was to pull the car over, recline the seat a little and shut my eyes. I nearly fell asleep on the spot from the crash of post-adrenaline-in-hyperdrive rush.

So there you go. Moving on; massive Google therapy and link-ology harvesting. Don't know if I have the strength to drag it all here - maybe tomorrow. Or maybe just the act of *finding* the stuff will be enough, this time? Or, at least, enough to get me through to the other side.

Department of fried brain, incoherency dept.

Blargh. I think I may have said that already. Maybe that's what this should be called instead of a 'blog'? "Oh, yeah - I wrote a bunch of stuff on my BLARGH today."

Much more betterer. Est. Ing.


***
Occurs to me to add: Can I create the experience of 'individuation' for myself with an etheric 'parent' such as this here bundle of something-ons.

Gads, just started to itch all *over*, as if I'm allergic to this whole thing. New reaction. Time to go.