Somebody very important to you told you you weren't worth anything when you were a kid. Find out who that was anmd work through your feelings of anger toward them. You're really feeling anger towards them when you criticize yourself.I agree this is often the case, and have looked high and low through my own childhood memories trying to find the source of my own feelings of 'not good enough' and 'always, somehow, wrong'.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:37 AM on July 10, 2009
I think my parents were more in the 'unresponsive' category - no praise, no recognition. My dad would actually get upset if I did things 'too well' - he'd say I was showing off, or 'trying to make him look bad'. I still shake my head in disbelief at this one.
My mom was just really passive - she'd go to my music events, hauling me all over the place to rehearsals and lessons and performances, but she never said anything - and the *instant* I was old enough to take driver's ed, *she* was the one who pushed for it, not me. I was, of course, quite content to continue to be chauffered around :-)
But the bottom-line message that filtered through was, hey, kid, you're a pain in the neck. Somehow I felt this way from very early on - my precociousness was seen as a *burden* by my father; I often sensed that my mother was somehow - unaware? - of it - though recent questioning suggests she *did* try to help me.
But my father was *adamant* that I shouldn't get any 'special' treatment - which, in effect, amounted to almost being *punished* for being smart.
Fucker.
I swear, it's *more* than simply being ignored - it's like, every time I sprouted up a little, he'd come along and *hammer* me, emotionally and verbally, back into the ground. Til it got to the point where I was afraid to grow - I sometimes wonder if it actually stunted my *physical* growth, my father's hostility toward me. I was afraid to 'take up space' because he'd get mad at me.
Fucking BIZARRE fucking ASSHOLE behavior from fucking IDIOT parent.
No comments:
Post a Comment