When your parents totally and completely fail to understand you, can it literally drive you nuts?

links on a sleepless night.

Google search strings:

'emotionally unaware parents'
'emotionally disconnected parents'
'parents who feel emotionally powerless'
'emotionally powerless mother'.

I think what I (was? am?) trying to get at: This feeling of uninvolvement from Ω. She just won't fucking engage. As a child, most of my nightmares were of being powerless and out of control, of life being this random, fractured, non-sensical universe. Only in the last few years have my dreams *finally* become less bizarre and terrifying.

From Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship:

Many parents occupy time and space with their children but do not know or understand their children.
[...]
That so many parents are unaware of their childrens' emotional needs and lack the skills necessary to interact effectively on an emotional level with their children is both frightening and depressing.

From http://www.athealth.com/consumer/disorders/filialtherapy.html (bold mine):

When children are permitted to express themselves without losing status in the eyes of their parents the children's anxiety diminishes. The child feels validated and valued, and is able to master difficulties and feelings rather than try to distort and deny them. As these changes occur and the child experiences the parent in a new manner, the child begins to understand his or her sense of worth. Frustrations and hostilities diminish as the communication gap is bridged.

Yes, bingo! "...without losing status in the eyes of their parents." My dad (and the Ω unit) *both* competed with me for status, from when I was as young as six! Bloody fooking 'ell.

From http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/173035/emotional_neglect.html:

Parents who might be emotionally neglecting their children may not spend much time with the child, does not offer a lot of affection through compliments, hugs, and kisses, constantly puts down, criticizes, or berates the child, and/or does not praise, respect, encourage, and support the child regularly.

When a child does not feel loved he or she may develop low self-esteem, which may lead to future unhealthy coping mechanisms such as eating disorder[...]

From http://www.primaltherapy.ch/vortrag/vortrag_english.htm
This one is particularly interesting, if a bit wacky and highly opinion based, near as I can tell - take what you need and leave the rest, as always (bolds mine):

But what happens to a child if despite all his efforts he is not accepted? If the parents, for example, are unpredictable and their bad moods and tempers are directed at the child;[...] In all these cases the child cannot be a child. He cannot grow up in safety; he must take over tasks which are not rightfully his. In most of these cases the child comes to be the father and/or mother of his/her parents. Often he/she is admired and praised for it and feels confirmed in what he/she is doing. What really happens however, is that the body grows but the emotional development stands still, and so the child cannot really grow up. Depending on the earlier history the feeling of powerlessness is strengthened, or comes to be omnipresent.

But if the child despite the primal pain (pain of the preceding levels) cannot create a neurosis, because the environment is too abusive and chaotic, then he won't develop adequate defence mechanisms against that pain. Depending on how great that pain is he/she may be nearer to psychosis than neurosis.

That does not mean, however, that the child cannot be intelligent. On the contrary, he becomes perhaps even highly intelligent, a genius. However, this intelligence will always be a flight from the pain. ['hopper note: Not saying I'm a genius!] Only in this way can the necessary balance emerge, the balance between the strength of the pain and the strength of the defence.

Depending on the primal pain the child will take the one or other direction: super-intelligence, or on the contrary apparent stupidity with no motivation whatsoever concerning learning.

I think I just like the idea that I became intelligent in order to survive my parents. Feels like maybe it served some purpose, after all. So take *that*, all you doubters who tell me I "think too much". It is because I had (and continue to have, in one case) parents who thought too little.

:þ