a *new* idea? maybe.

as opposed to 'theme and variations', which is where it feels like I've been sort of 'stuck'. I mean, I make progress, but I seem to keep looping back through the same emotional places over and over again.

But maybe this is an actual *new* idea, rather than simply finding yet another new angle from which to view an old idea. Recycling is ok, mind you - it's just that sometimes it's nice to come across something that seems *completely* different. As if you've suddenly found a new key to a door you've been trying to unlock for years.

***
From http://gettinbetter.com/tooclose.html (I substitute 'trauma' for the so-called 'borderline' label - I believe 'borderline' is a bogus, and horribly stigmatizing non-diagnosis that basically amounts to victim blaming. ADD may be a similarly un-useful label. PS: Bolds mine):

The creative ADD mind is typically exceptionally bright, and facile at making abstractions. When it comes to analytical thinking, there's nobody better at it than an ADD/ADHD'er[...]

If we investigate the current medical model for [trauma] treatment, a lot of these folks are put on SSRI's (Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors), but in my view, this could easily exacerbate a [traumatized person]'s symptomology. SSRI's tend to slow us down, and make us feel drowsy/lethargic. Both [traumatized people] and ADD/ADHD'ers thrive on stimulation--and whenever there isn't enough of it available, they're adept at creating it! [!]

To experience serenity and calm, could literally feel like death to a person suffering with either disorder. [This is the 'new' idea I spoke of. Still trying to figure out how to wrap my brain around it.]

Loss of relationship means loss of stimulation to a person with attention deficit issues or [trauma symptoms]
[...]
Emotionally sound, healthy individuals are attracted to harmony and peace in their personal and professional relationships, and their world in general. They relish calm and serenity, and stress of any type is averted and avoided whenever possible. They have rich, satisfying inner lives, and have learned to entertain themselves--whether they're coupled or not. This may not have come naturally, given any difficulties they had to surmount in childhood--but they've worked toward attaining a sense of contentment and balance within. [I must say I find this entire paragraph to be a lot of wishful thinking and/or shrinkological bullshit - it's a lovely idea, that most people are so well-adapted, but I sure as hell haven't met 'em. *Most* people I know are fucked up in some way or other, and they *all*, every damn last *one* of 'em, has some 'dysfunctional' way of coping with it. They all smoke, or drink, or chew, or overwork, or 'distract' with this that or the other. Once again I say unto you, "Who is this 'Norm' you keep referring to, and why have I never met him?" Take what you need and LEAVE the rest...]
[...]
Both [traumatized people] and Narcissists [another overly stigmatizing label?] consistently attempt to balance their needs for attachment, with their inherent dread of it--which of course, makes for highly conflictual relationship dynamics. While each feels a powerful need to bond, each is profoundly frightened of the ramifications of that choice.

This seems to fit with the whole 'double bind' idea - where I feel continually off balance with the µ unit. She seems to have no awareness whatsoever of how often she'll expect one thing from me while appearing to have a *completely* different standard of behavior for her*self*. [Feb. 24 edit: Realizing this connection isn't obvious to anyone but me - I think what I mean is that her double standards and double binds keep me perpetually off balance in ways I'm only recently becoming aware of, and that it's such a lifelong, deeply ingrained pattern that I may actually *miss* it when it *isn't* present in my life situations. Hence why the ADD/ADHD explanation makes sense to me - maybe a person *creates* 'trauma' and 'drama' and unnecessary complexity in order to feel at home? Or, maybe to blot out painful, unwanted feelings. Or maybe both. Ok, chewed this bone enough for now :-)]

[wait, not quite done yet - *further* realized that I'm 'taking care of' any hypothetical reader of this by adding this explanation. But what it's *really* about is trying to convey that I'm logical, that my ideas make *sense*, that they really do connect together in a coherent, meaningful way. Ooh, the recursive thought loops are about to follow the white rabbit here - stopping now. Truly.]

For more ideas on how *many* so-called 'diagnoses' may actually more accurately be described as various forms of emotional trauma, sometimes falling into the category of Complex PTSD, Pete Walker has some interesting ideas here:
http://pete-walker.com/fAQsComplexPTSD.html. Excerpts (bolds mine):

Renowned traumatologist, John Briere, is said to have quipped that if Complex PTSD were ever given its due – that is, if the role of dysfunctional parenting in adult psychological disorders was ever fully recognized, the DSM (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders used by all mental health professionals) would shrink to the size of a thin pamphlet. It currently resembles a large dictionary.

In my experience, many clients with Complex PTSD have been misdiagnosed with various anxiety and depressive disorders, as well as bipolar, narcissistic, codependent and borderline disorders. Further confusion arises in the case of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder), as well as obsessive/compulsive disorder, which is sometimes more accurately described as an excessive, fixated flight response to trauma. This is also true of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and some dissociative disorders which are similarly excessive, fixated freeze responses to trauma. (See my article “A Trauma Typology”.)

This is not to say that those so diagnosed do not have issues that are similar and correlative with said disorders, but that

these labels are incomplete and unnecessarily shaming descriptions of what the client is afflicted with.

Calling complex PTSD “panic disorder” is like calling food allergies chronically itchy eyes; over-focusing treatment on the symptoms of panic in the former case and eye health in the latter does little to get at root causes. Feelings of panic or itchiness in the eyes can be masked with medication, but all the other associated problems that cause these symptoms will remain untreated. Moreover

most of the diagnoses mentioned above imply deep innate characterological defects

rather than the learned maladaptations to stress that children of trauma are forced to make– adaptations, once again that were learned and can therefore usually be extinguished and replaced with more functional adaptations to stress.

In this vein, I believe that many substance and process addictions also begin as misguided, maladaptations to parental abuse and abandonment – early adaptations that are attempts to soothe and distract from the mental and emotional pain of complex PTSD.